Including the Wedding Couple’s Families

This issue of Liturgy dealing with “Weddings,” guest-edited by Ruth Meyers, explores the changing face of marriage, reconsiderations about the agency of the couple, and the church’s responses to new understandings of scripture regarding relationships.

What follows is an excerpt from Chun-wai Lam’s essay detailing the considerations that went into revisions of the marriage rite for Anglicans who are Chinese so the cultural familial values could be expressed in the rite itself. Here, the author describes the rubrics that have been added to the IMS, the Inculturated Marriage Service Rite, in the interests of including important aspects of Chinese cultural values. Their amendments of the rite are instructive for all churches. –– Melinda Quivik

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In the Chinese cultural context, marriage is still largely reckoned as a domestic event; therefore, it is an opportunity for the couple’s families to be seen. Their presence and participation would unquestionably help indicate being related to the couple. Three options are provided, the last of which is the conventional practice of having the whole congregation and the couple’s families at the church ready and waiting for one of the romantic moments to begin: the father of the bride accompanying his daughter into the church. The first two options have one similarity: the entry is not limited to the bride and her father, but rather all members of the couple’s families are called to join the procession. The one slight difference is whether the bride and groom would like to walk into the church together as suggested in option one, or whether the bride is accompanied by her father to enter the church after the groom has entered, as suggested in option two. The rationale behind these options is simple. It is to better allow the couple’s families, their parents in particular, to be seen by the whole congregation, which is a way also to advance their full participation in the marriage service. No one will be missed.

Another occasion where the family members, particularly the parents, are seen again by the rest of the congregation is immediately after the Consent when the priest asks them to stand up and give their blessings to the couple. The whole congregation joins the family by standing up and saying, “We will,” as an act of promise to support and uphold the couple in their marriage now and in the years to come. By such actions, the whole con- gregation, including the couple’s families, is seen as one big family under the name of God. It is in this presence of “the family” that the marriage vows take place.

In Chinese culture, it is good to see the parents honored, and the IMS provides an opportunity by allowing a moment for the couple to give thanks to their parents. This was proposed by some questionnaire respondents who thought that the marriage service was one of the best occasions for giving thanks to the parents because of their hardship in fostering the care and nurture of their children.

The thanks to the parents takes place after the prayers and nuptial blessing. Nothing about the liturgical performance is proposed, only a rubric saying that the couple may give thanks to their parents and may present gifts to them. To a certain extent, it is an inculturated ritual with no concrete description, leaving the wording to the couple. However, it does serve a liturgical purpose: the couple’s families, the parents in particular, are being seen again, which increases their participation in the wedding. Culturally speaking, for the children openly to give thanks to their parents regarding their lifelong parenting love and care is the greatest and deepest honor that the parents can receive.

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Lam’s full essay in Liturgy 34, no. 3 is available online by personal subscription and through many libraries.

Chun-wai Lam, an Anglican priest serving St. Peter’s Church North Point in the Diocese of Hong Kong Island of Hong Kong Sheng Kung Hui, is a member of the Standing Commission on Liturgical Matters and lectures in liturgics in Ming Hua Theological College, Hong Kong.

Chun-wai Lam, “A Marriage Service Rite Inculturated for Use in a Context both Anglican and Chinese,” Liturgy 34, no. 3 (2019): 3-11