Pastoral Considerations for a Wedding

This issue of Liturgy dealing with “Weddings,” guest-edited by Ruth Meyers, explores the changing face of marriage, reconsiderations about the agency of the couple, and the church’s responses to new understandings of scripture regarding relationships, among other concerns.

What follows is an excerpt from Paul Turner’s essay explaining revisions in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM) that came into use for the Roman Catholic Church in 2016. His introduction particularly informs the minister that “the revised OCM has led those who prepare couples for the wedding as well as those who lead the ceremony to embark on a journey of self-scrutiny—savoring what goes well, refining what does not. It presents the occasion for a reboot.”

His observations are instructive for all Christian communities.–– Melinda Quivik

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The Consent (not Vows)

Although it is common to call the heart of the wedding “the vows,” the Catholic Church continues to refer to “the consent.” Those entering consecrated religious life make vows to God; those entering marriage give consent to each other.

For this solemn moment, the assembly stands. . . Standing lends a formal dignity to this moment.

Customarily, the bride and groom recite the words of consent phrase by phrase after the presider. However, the OCM has never offered that option. It asks each to say the words to the other. They could recite from memory or read from cards or from the ritual book itself in order to declare their consent without interruption. The priest or deacon is the church’s official witness. He does not personally tie the knot. The postconciliar reforms strove to move the presider off center and let the words of the couple take the spotlight.

Consequently, where the priest stands can make a difference. Traditionally he stands between the couple and the altar in space that he typically occupies. However, at this point the couple are the ministers, and the priest is the church’s witness. He may alternatively take a position closer to the people, facing the same way that they do, so that the couple naturally turns toward the whole assembly. . . .

The Homily

General guidelines for preaching are found in sources such as the General Instruction on the Roman Missal and the Introduction to the Lectionary. . . . The list of topics includes Christianity’s understanding of marriage as a divine mystery, the dignity of married love, sacramental grace, and the responsibilities shared by husband and wife.

Even though the readings change from wedding to wedding, and couples differ from one another, many priests and deacons succumb to temptation and preach a version of the same homily, no matter the circumstances of the wedding. It requires extra work to reflect on the unique lives of each couple and the readings that will be heard at their wedding, but the results can make a lasting impact. Many photographers come to weddings prepared to shoot a complete video, and any individual participant may post the action as a livestream on the Internet.

The preacher’s words may reach a broader audience than he ever imagined, and they may be preserved in family lore and on Internet sites for ages unending. Some preachers prefer not to have their words recorded, but they have no control over the many ways it can happen. If the homily is not good enough for the world to hear, then it is not good enough for the gathered assembly. It is worth the time to prepare a memorable homily. . .

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The full essay in Liturgy 34, no. 3 is available online by personal subscription and through many libraries.

Paul Turner, “Rebooting the Catholic Wedding: Pastoral Considerations,” Liturgy 34, no. 3 (2019): 12-20.