A Divorce Ritual

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This issue of Liturgy dealing with “Weddings,” guest-edited by Ruth Meyers, explores the changing face of marriage, reconsiderations about the agency of the couple, and the church’s responses to new understandings of scripture regarding relationships, among other concerns.

What follows is an excerpt from a review of the revised marriage rite in the latest Presbyterian Church (USA) worship book. As the authors, Kimberly Bracken Long and David Gambrell explain, their examination of the 2018 Book of Common Worship (BCW), begins with a history of the worship books used by Presbyterians and includes services now seen as corollary to marriage. –– Melinda Quivik

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The 2018 edition was a collaborative endeavor of the PC(USA) Office of Theology and Worship, the Presbyterian Association of Musicians, and the Presbyterian Publishing Corporation. It was developed through a five-year process (2013–2018) involving five surveys, six national consultations, 150 editorial advisors, twenty working groups, and a dozen expert reviewers for particular sections. While the 2018 BCW sought to advance and extend the liturgical reforms of previous editions, it also introduced some important new features. . . related to marriage: a Spanish-language service that adheres to the practices of Spanish-speaking Presbyterian congregations in the United States, a brief reaffirmation of marriage vows . . . and a service called “Prayer at the End of a Marriage.”

As we conducted listening sessions across the country, we consistently heard the desire for a divorce liturgy. Some protested that the BCW could not seem to bless divorce, yet many expressed the need for some ritual marking such an event. After a great deal of thought and prayer, we decided to include a short liturgy that resembled a service for wholeness and healing. It is intended to be an intimate service and is written so that both members of a couple take part, although it could be adapted for use with just one. The rite begins with opening sentences and prayer, followed by confession and pardon. Rings may be returned. An intercessory prayer follows, and a charge and blessing conclude the service.

At the heart of the service is the exchange of rings and the intercessory prayer. If a couple chooses to return rings, they may do so in silence or with these or similar words:

N., I return this ring to you,

with gratitude for the blessings of our marriage . . .

[children of the marriage may be named],

sorrow for that which is broken between us . . .

and hope for the future into which God will lead us.

At this point the presider offers a prayer that includes these words:

Where hearts are broken, grant your healing.

Where trust is eroded, restore good faith.

Where bitterness has taken root, plant seeds of forgiveness.

Do not let anger destroy us,

but teach us to love as you have loved us,

even after marriage ends.

Look upon N. and N. as a new phase of life begins.

Uphold them [and their children/their families] with your grace.

Strengthen them by your Spirit,

and renew in them the hope of your new creation, w

here peace will reign

and all people will be reconciled

to you and to one another.

It is impossible to know how often this service will be used; not all divorcing couples, of course, would be able to join together for such a liturgy. Even so, the service is a significant expression of the foundation of all worship: the eschatological hope onto which we hold and by which we live—the day when “righteousness and peace will kiss each other” (Ps. 85:10) at the marriage of earth and heaven.

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The full essay in Liturgy 34, no. 3 is available online by personal subscription and through many libraries.

Kimberly Bracken Long & David Gambrell, “The Revised Marriage Rite in the 2018 Book of Common Worship,” Liturgy 34, no. 3 (2019): 31-41.